1. |
Tragic Backstory
03:20
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It's a tale as old as time
From mother to daughter it goes down the line
The things that we give and the things we receive
A history I feel unable to leave
Behind
We all know it’s a lie
Blood’s thinner than water, and thicker than wine
A legacy of misdirected shame
The reason that I cut her name
Away from mine
So gather round and listen
To my tragic backstory
Been telling it so long
The details bore even me
It feels like a narrative that I designed
It isn't unique
But it isn't a lie
Memories wane
And rebuild with the passing of time
The truth persists in the way that the things that I've seen and I've done are still shaping my life
Oh to leave this behind
And let other things take up more space in my mind
But who would I be without my past to shape me
What is a human but a walking segment of time?
In the end, I’m alive
No matter the how and no matter the why
The stories that make me the person I am
Don’t cater to anyone’s plan
Aside from mine
So gather round and listen
To my tragic backstory
Been telling it so long
The details bore even me
It feels like a narrative that I designed
It isn't unique
But it isn't a lie
Memories wane
And rebuild with the passing of time
The truth persists in the way that the things that I've seen and I've done are still shaping my life
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2. |
From Silence, Released
03:34
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Here I stand while my shame
Runs like ice down my spine
Like the high mountain river in summer
Cold pain so divine
There’s not such a thing as an ending
There’s always the sun
There’s no going back to the start
Once the damned thing is done
And I want this place
To act as a grave
For the wrath and the vengeance I sought
The rage and the pain
The blood on my face
The stains from the things I was taught
There’s no rapture that comes from forgiveness
Or the bottomless well that is greed
All that is green starts in darkness
And your silence has planted the seed
The embers have fallen to ash
And the light has grown dim
Was it proof you could outdo your mother
With chances that slim
I’ve seen and can see you
I know now how you came to be
Three decades of aching desire
All passed on to me
Out of cedar and pine
I’ll craft in my mind
A pyre to burn all your guilt
For the things that you’ve done
For the force I’ve become
The crumbling tower we built
No good can come from retribution
Or from ending my judgements with blame
There’s fire where I’d thought myself heartless
And your silence rekindled the flames
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3. |
You Won't Be There
01:57
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You said someday
I will be old and gray
And I'll need someone to keep me safe
But it won't be you
Because you've shown me
What you think of me
And that's the way it has to be
If that's your truth
And I don't know when it will happen
And I'm not sure if you'll despair
But I'm going to die someday
And you won't be there
I said someday
I hope I get to be old and gray
And if I don't, I hope one of the people there
Is you
Because you've shown me
What you think of me
And I'd like to think that would
Be important to you
And I'm not sure what will happen
But I’d like to think you’d care
When I die someday
I hope you don't have to be there
And this is how a broken family
Finishes falling apart
No matter how much love
And understanding is in their hearts
I love you and I miss you
And this really isn't fair
But you're going to die someday
And I won't be there
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4. |
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Hello oh eager supplicant
I can tell that you’re not new to this
From the fact that you’ve already started to strip down
Reveal to me your deepest truths
The facts and forms of your abuse
And once you’ve finished we can really go to town
Tell me what it means to you to be a girl
And how long have you felt that way
Tell me all the ways you hate your body
And the ways you wish that it would change
Tell me everything
Oh tell me anything
You think I should put down
For insurance purposes you understand
You seem so eloquent
Oh what a testament
To all the practice that you’ve had
Reciting your disorders on command
Peel back your skin a little more for me
To show me the things that live embedded in your flesh
They are so dear to me
And why shouldn’t they be?
Oh why shouldn’t they be?
This is my calling
You need me, you need me
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5. |
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Ok so it’s 11pm and I’ve been tripping on acid
For about twelve hours now
And the friend who’s been sitting me is driving me home
And she says “you don’t switch off, do you?
Even when you’re high as fuck
You keep yourself so tightly wound
And it’s admirable how badly you want to be good
But maybe you should work on calming the fuck down”
And it’s 11pm nearly two years later
And I’m in bed with this girl that I really really like
And we’ve been kissing for about five minutes
But I just can’t make it feel right
And it’s not that I don’t know where to put my hands
Or that I can’t find the rhythm
It’s that I’m scared of how I might embarrass myself
If I were to give in
If I’m not sure I’m acting right
It doesn’t matter what feels nice
Can’t let myself get swept away
The moment’s not important
It’s a long con, I’ve come a long way
Can’t let you see the cracks in my facade
The lesson I’ve been taught
It doesn’t matter what I want
So it’s 11pm on yet another night
And I’m alone in my room and I’m freaking out
Something somewhere set me off
And if I can’t find a way to not be alone I might die
The crushing pressure of my panicked thoughts
Isn’t something I can deal with on my own
So I’m reaching out and calling to anyone
Anyone anyone please please please pick up the phone
I know humans are social creatures
And my desire for connection is not a bug but a feature
But my brief intrusions into my friends lives
Are just distractions from the problems in my own
It’s easy to construct a narrative where I’m unwelcome
Only acquiesced to out of pity
So if you’re gonna let me hide from my life in your living room
The least I can do is try to look pretty
If I’m not acting as I should
It doesn’t matter what feels good
Can’t let the moment take me in
The future’s what’s important
It’s a long con, I play the long game
One wrong move and then I might be gone
But if you let me stay
I’ll be whatever you want
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garbagewitch Portland, Oregon
The transsexual Bob Dylan
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