It's a tale as old as time From mother to daughter it goes down the line The things that we give and the things we receive A history I feel unable to leave Behind We all know it’s a lie Blood’s thinner than water, and thicker than wine A legacy of misdirected shame The reason that I cut her name Away from mine So gather round and listen To my tragic backstory Been telling it so long The details bore even me It feels like a narrative that I designed It isn't unique But it isn't a lie Memories wane And rebuild with the passing of time The truth persists in the way that the things that I've seen and I've done are still shaping my life Oh to leave this behind And let other things take up more space in my mind But who would I be without my past to shape me What is a human but a walking segment of time? In the end, I’m alive No matter the how and no matter the why The stories that make me the person I am Don’t cater to anyone’s plan Aside from mine So gather round and listen To my tragic backstory Been telling it so long The details bore even me It feels like a narrative that I designed It isn't unique But it isn't a lie Memories wane And rebuild with the passing of time The truth persists in the way that the things that I've seen and I've done are still shaping my life

Here I stand while my shame Runs like ice down my spine Like the high mountain river in summer Cold pain so divine There’s not such a thing as an ending There’s always the sun There’s no going back to the start Once the damned thing is done And I want this place To act as a grave For the wrath and the vengeance I sought The rage and the pain The blood on my face The stains from the things I was taught There’s no rapture that comes from forgiveness Or the bottomless well that is greed All that is green starts in darkness And your silence has planted the seed The embers have fallen to ash And the light has grown dim Was it proof you could outdo your mother With chances that slim I’ve seen and can see you I know now how you came to be Three decades of aching desire All passed on to me Out of cedar and pine I’ll craft in my mind A pyre to burn all your guilt For the things that you’ve done For the force I’ve become The crumbling tower we built No good can come from retribution Or from ending my judgements with blame There’s fire where I’d thought myself heartless And your silence rekindled the flames

You said someday I will be old and gray And I'll need someone to keep me safe But it won't be you Because you've shown me What you think of me And that's the way it has to be If that's your truth And I don't know when it will happen And I'm not sure if you'll despair But I'm going to die someday And you won't be there I said someday I hope I get to be old and gray And if I don't, I hope one of the people there Is you Because you've shown me What you think of me And I'd like to think that would Be important to you And I'm not sure what will happen But I’d like to think you’d care When I die someday I hope you don't have to be there And this is how a broken family Finishes falling apart No matter how much love And understanding is in their hearts I love you and I miss you And this really isn't fair But you're going to die someday And I won't be there

Hello oh eager supplicant I can tell that you’re not new to this From the fact that you’ve already started to strip down Reveal to me your deepest truths The facts and forms of your abuse And once you’ve finished we can really go to town Tell me what it means to you to be a girl And how long have you felt that way Tell me all the ways you hate your body And the ways you wish that it would change Tell me everything Oh tell me anything You think I should put down For insurance purposes you understand You seem so eloquent Oh what a testament To all the practice that you’ve had Reciting your disorders on command Peel back your skin a little more for me To show me the things that live embedded in your flesh They are so dear to me And why shouldn’t they be? Oh why shouldn’t they be? This is my calling You need me, you need me

Ok so it’s 11pm and I’ve been tripping on acid For about twelve hours now And the friend who’s been sitting me is driving me home And she says “you don’t switch off, do you? Even when you’re high as fuck You keep yourself so tightly wound And it’s admirable how badly you want to be good But maybe you should work on calming the fuck down” And it’s 11pm nearly two years later And I’m in bed with this girl that I really really like And we’ve been kissing for about five minutes But I just can’t make it feel right And it’s not that I don’t know where to put my hands Or that I can’t find the rhythm It’s that I’m scared of how I might embarrass myself If I were to give in If I’m not sure I’m acting right It doesn’t matter what feels nice Can’t let myself get swept away The moment’s not important It’s a long con, I’ve come a long way Can’t let you see the cracks in my facade The lesson I’ve been taught It doesn’t matter what I want So it’s 11pm on yet another night And I’m alone in my room and I’m freaking out Something somewhere set me off And if I can’t find a way to not be alone I might die The crushing pressure of my panicked thoughts Isn’t something I can deal with on my own So I’m reaching out and calling to anyone Anyone anyone please please please pick up the phone I know humans are social creatures And my desire for connection is not a bug but a feature But my brief intrusions into my friends lives Are just distractions from the problems in my own It’s easy to construct a narrative where I’m unwelcome Only acquiesced to out of pity So if you’re gonna let me hide from my life in your living room The least I can do is try to look pretty If I’m not acting as I should It doesn’t matter what feels good Can’t let the moment take me in The future’s what’s important It’s a long con, I play the long game One wrong move and then I might be gone But if you let me stay I’ll be whatever you want