Ok so it’s 11pm and I’ve been tripping on acid
For about twelve hours now
And the friend who’s been sitting me is driving me home
And she says “you don’t switch off, do you?
Even when you’re high as fuck
You keep yourself so tightly wound
And it’s admirable how badly you want to be good
But maybe you should work on calming the fuck down”

And it’s 11pm nearly two years later
And I’m in bed with this girl that I really really like
And we’ve been kissing for about five minutes
But I just can’t make it feel right
And it’s not that I don’t know where to put my hands
Or that I can’t find the rhythm
It’s that I’m scared of how I might embarrass myself
If I were to give in

If I’m not sure I’m acting right
It doesn’t matter what feels nice
Can’t let myself get swept away
The moment’s not important
It’s a long con, I’ve come a long way
Can’t let you see the cracks in my facade
The lesson I’ve been taught
It doesn’t matter what I want

So it’s 11pm on yet another night
And I’m alone in my room and I’m freaking out
Something somewhere set me off
And if I can’t find a way to not be alone I might die
The crushing pressure of my panicked thoughts
Isn’t something I can deal with on my own
So I’m reaching out and calling to anyone
Anyone anyone please please please pick up the phone

I know humans are social creatures
And my desire for connection is not a bug but a feature
But my brief intrusions into my friends lives
Are just distractions from the problems in my own
It’s easy to construct a narrative where I’m unwelcome
Only acquiesced to out of pity
So if you’re gonna let me hide from my life in your living room
The least I can do is try to look pretty

If I’m not acting as I should
It doesn’t matter what feels good
Can’t let the moment take me in
The future’s what’s important
It’s a long con, I play the long game
One wrong move and then I might be gone
But if you let me stay
I’ll be whatever you want